What do you notice about someone when you first connect? Whether you are listening or watching as an audience member, a meeting participant, or as part of a conversation live or virtually, what is your first impression?

Maybe something visual – the color of their hair, an article of clothing, or their height or weight. That might be true consciously. Unconsciously, it’s probably something else. It’s how you feel in their presence.

Our brains pick up signals from others that indicate whether or not we are safe. We are wired to do this. Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight and Whole Brain Living, shares that we feel first, and think second. Our bodies let us know, through our feeling state, whether or not someone is a friend or foe. We then decide how to think about that situation or person.

Given this, the number one quality you need to share when you first connect is warmth. This lets your audience member, meeting attendee, or conversation partner know you’re a friendly person. You are safe. 

Think of a time you’ve had this experience. I often cite the “elevator” example. We walk into an elevator with another person in it and immediately feel uneasy. If we don’t discount our reaction, we might immediately get off and wait for the next elevator. That’s our survival brain letting us know we might not be safe.

So, to make sure we communicate our friendly intentions regardless of the situation, how do we activate warmth? 

Here’s one suggestion: connect with your inner joyful child, and imagine you are communicating with the other person’s inner joyful child. See the people you are interacting with as innocent, beautiful humans who deserve our best. 

It doesn’t matter if you’ve known someone for decades or don’t know them personally at all, imagine they are a cherished human. Through the power of mirror neurons, they will experience that and be more likely to mirror that back to you. Both of you and everyone in the vicinity will pick this up unconsciously. 

If you doubt whether this is true, give it a try. Next time you’re speaking, meeting, or conversing, imagine connecting with the inner joyful child. Notice how you feel. Notice what happens. I’m guessing you’ll discover you have so much more power to influence the quality of your connections than you realized.

Warmth. Doesn’t it feel good even to say the word? Imagine how relaxing and soothing it is to experience warmth! It’s your superpower. 

If I can support you, I’d love to. You can reach me at andrea@andreabeaulieu.com. Be well!